Proactive Self-Care During Quarantine
Happy December, everyone!
Wow. It’s been 10 months (at least for me) in total lockdown with my family since the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. Since March, I have had the privilege of staying and working from home, with the exception of occasionally going to the grocery store or Home Depot prior to cases going back up. In that span of time, we’ve seen cases go up and down, heard about new and different symptoms about the pandemic, and felt the uncertainty and unpredictability of COVID. Not only that, a different pandemic of utmost importance – police brutality on Black communities that led to civil rights uprisings all over the country – has hit another significant moment in history. (Although it also needs to be said that this has been impacting BIPOC communities for hundreds of years prior to this point.)
So y’all – I’m guessing that you are just as tired as I am.
I recently volunteered at the Oasis Youth Center’s Leadership Summit – their first virtual one, YESSS! – and facilitated a workshop about self-care and mental health. I have always loved working with youth, and that weekend was no exception. As always, I wished that I had more time with these amazing folx to continue having conversations about self-care and what that could look like. Instead, I’m going to improvise and write this blog with the hopes of reaching out to many others that could be struggling during this pandemic on how to take care of ourselves.
During the workshop, I talked about the differences between proactive self-care and reactive self-care. To summarize some of the many articles (that I will credit and link below) I read about the differences, I’m going to describe it as this:
Reactive self-care are the activities we engage in as a response to our bodies, minds, and spirits demanding that we need self-care. This is the kind of self-care we use when we’re at our absolute limits. (Is it safe to say that maybe right now, reactive self-care is all we’re doing? QUITE POSSIBLY. I’m not gonna rule that out.)
Proactive self-care are the activities we engage in to take care of our physical, emotional, spiritual, ALL-OF-IT well being all the time – regardless of whether we feel like we need it or not.
I am going to own that I previously operated on the idea that I would engage in self-care only when I felt like I really needed to. I quickly learned that I was taking a one-way, all-expenses paid trip to the cities of Burnout and Compassion Fatigue. There is no shame in engaging in reactive self-care – because hey, you’re still taking care of yourself, right? – AND ALSO it isn’t a sustainable practice in the long run. What are some things we can do right now – especially with all the restraints of the pandemic – that could be proactive ways of taking care of ourselves?
Here are some ideas. But for context – let me tell you real quick about my frame of reference. I am a 29-year-old drama therapist who is neurotypical, queer, and mostly spiritual. I moved to the US from the Philippines in 2015 to pursue my graduate studies. I am writing this primarily for folx who I am specialized to work with: youth and young adults with intersecting identities like LGBTQ+ folx, BIPOC folx, and folx from lower-income communities. If you don’t identify with any of these, that is okay. It just means that this wasn’t intentionally written for you. That doesn’t mean you can also possibly take something away from these ideas. (And if that makes you uncomfortable, dig deeper and question why that is!)
OKAY. Let’s do it!
1. Do you have a routine? Let’s make one. For a lot of us, quarantine gave us the space to create our own schedules and some folx chose not to have one. While that can be great for a while, having a routine will create some stability that we feel like we’re missing since we started the lockdown. Figure out what you want to do first thing in the morning and what you want to do before bed, then give yourself some flexible time during the day to accommodate the different things you need to do. When the pandemic is over, feel free to adapt your routine accordingly.
For example:
Morning Evening
Wake up Wash dishes
Make my bed Make dinner*
Brush my teeth Family dinner time
Make coffee Brush teeth
Spend some time outside (regardless of the weather) SELF-CARE TIME**
Feed the doggos Set alarms
Start my work day Go to bed
*Make dinner depends on whether I’m cooking that night or eating leftovers.
**This could change depending on what I feel like doing: reading, writing, playing video games on my phone or the Switch, cross-stitching – I’ve taken up a LOT of hobbies over the pandemic.
2. Set aside some time during the day that is just for you. This is hard for some folx, and I wanna name that! I want to offer though that “some time” could mean 5, 10, 15 minutes of your day. And if you feel like you don’t have enough time even for that, I am curious as to why you can’t make that time for yourself. (This isn’t a judgment; but I think it’s a good question.)
This time is a good time for you to do whatever you feel is restorative and peaceful. What is something you can do during this time that feels good for you in the short (and possibly long) term? This can look like meditation, journaling, listening to your favorite music, watching your favorite TV show episodes, dancing alone in your bedroom – the options are mostly endless right now.
3. Practice “both, and” thinking. This is a seriously helpful skill to develop right now. Often, we are bogged down by the negative life experiences we have that are overwhelming, frustrating, and sad. And that’s fair – you’re allowed to feel your feelings! Practicing both-and thinking though helps us sit in the ambiguity that we’re currently experiencing right now (Boss, 2020). It doesn’t invalidate our feelings and it also provides a layer of hope and gratitude that also places value on the good things we’re possibly experiencing right now.
It may not feel natural at first, so it will take practice. It’s also a way for you to check in about how you’re feeling. A creative way to approach this is through poetry – give it a chance, no one else has to read it but you.
Possible poetry prompts for this include:
1 (TEMPLATE): I am _____ and I am _____
I am not _____ and I am not _____
I can be _____ and I can be ______
And that’s enough for today.
2 (PROMPT): Pick two different objects and try to find similarities between them. Write a poem about it.
3: JUST WRITE POETRY ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING! Sometimes just doing the thing is helpful enough. :)
4. Go to therapy or find a therapist. Seeing my therapist was the best thing that I could have ever done for myself. While it is an investment, I essentially get a whole hour completely devoted to myself and my growth. I love having a therapist that understands me, meets me where I am at, and advocates for me and my long-term well-being.
You’re allowed to question if your therapist is a good fit for you. What’s important to you in looking for a therapist? Do you need a therapist that aligns with your identity or your values? Does their gender matter to you? Do they need to be faith-based? What kind of approach are you looking for in a therapist? Do you like just talking or do you prefer alternative approaches, like yoga or creative arts? These are all great questions to ask if they have free consultations before you start your journey. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO ASK YOUR THERAPIST THINGS!
Finances can be a struggle, so you can check if your therapist takes your insurance (if your insurance pays for behavioral health). A lot of therapists offer sliding scale slots (like me!) as well if you can’t pay for their fee.
I am currently taking openings, so if this article worked for you, let’s set up a consultation to see if we’re a good fit. If not, I am going to link some therapist directories below so you can search for your good fit. Sometimes you’re going to know right away, and sometimes it will take some time to develop a strong therapy alliance. Either way, I recommend giving therapy a shot!
I hope some of these strategies were helpful. Maybe we can do a Part 2 if y’all would like more. Wishing everyone the best of holidays given this time. Hope you have time to rest, recover, and do something peaceful and loving for yourself. Take care!
RESOURCES
Books, Articles & Webinars
“Please: Radical Self-Care for Wild Women of Color” by Black Girl Bliss | AMAZON
Self-Care: It's Being Proactive, Not Reactive
Ambiguous Loss during COVID-19 by the Northwest MHTTC Network with Dr. Pauline Boss | VIDEO
Therapy and Counseling